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Greetings and Welcome to Oral Sex Humor! Everything you ever need or wanted to know about
oral sexual activities. We put this particular page together due to the hundreds of weekly hits in our almost fully developed
search engine from both men and women inquiring about oral sex.
We listen to our surfers, and this is the result! Fact and stats mixed in with humor so ya don't get bored! Have fun!
Adult Humor and other adult content can be found within these pages. You
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Oral Sex Information, Facts, and Statistics
Cunnilingus & Fellatio:
Highest quoted positions? There are literally infinite number of positions for any form of sexual activity. This means that there is no upper limit to the number of ways that, e.g. oral sex, can be performed. This rather liberal way of interpreting sexual postures leads to odd consequences. Legman, for instance, has suggested that there are 14,288,400 positions for cunnilingus alone! Is he sure that there are not 14,288,401? Personally, I've done it only 13,733,384 times or so.
The Little Old Man and his Blow Job
This dude goes to hell and is met by the devil, who
explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to
select his first punishment.
First room has a young guy on the wall
being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room.
The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. The new
guy immediately asks to see the third room.
It has a really old guy
chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde. The guy jumps at
the change and takes the room. The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on
the shoulder and says "okay, stop now, you've been relieved".
Best Oral Sex Live and Learn Story
One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.
He had saw this
hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?"
The hooker replied "100
Bucks"
The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money"
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid
for that by giving hand jobs."
So he gave her the money and received the
best hand he had ever had.
The next day he sees her and asks "How much
for a head job?"
She said "200 dollars"
"200 dollars that's a
lot of money"
She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yacht by
the pier, I paid for that big fucking boat by giving blow jobs."
So he gives her
the money, and get the best head of his life
On his last day in
Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the blow job
was outstanding, How much for the whole package."
"1000 dollars'
"1000
dollars that's a lot of god damn money"
So she pulled him to side and
said "You see that island, I could afford that if I only had a pussy."
Cunnilingus & Fellatio: Historical Royal Example
There is no reason to suppose that royal personages do not enjoy their sex the same as the rest of us. Apart from the occasional scandal, however, we know very little of the sexual predilections of reigning monarchs: sometimes, after the event, some information leaks out. There is one nice case on record - of royal oral sex. The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu evidently a keen feminist, designed a sexual custom aimed at elevating the female and humbling the male. To her fellatio represented supposed masculine supremacy: so she devised a means whereby "licking of the lotus stamen" could be exalted into prime extra coital importance and thus symbolise the advent of feminine domination. Wu Hu insisted that all governmental officials and visiting dignitaries pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. Thus old paintings depict the empress holding her robe open while a dignitary kneels before her to lick her genitals (A. Edwardes & R. E. L. Masters, "The Cradle of Erotica").
When Potentail Normal Oral Sex Turns to a "Blow It"
This boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and
when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to
her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a
blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy?!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small
blowjob...I know you'll like
it too."
"NO! I've said NO!"
"Baby...don't be like that."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with
hair a mess, rubbing her eyes and says: "Dad says either you blow him, I blow
him, or he'll come down and blow the guy himself, but for God's sake tell your
boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
Fastest achieved male orgasm
It is interesting to note how quickly the "preadolescent" can respond to sexual stimulation. Kinsey
tabulated the percentage of the population who could respond to the point of orgasm in less than ten
seconds of sexual stimulation. No less than 6.4 per cent of preadolescents could achieve orgasm in less
than ten seconds of sexual stimulation. And a quarter of all those tested could manage orgasm in less than
one minute. Kinsey notes that erection is much quicker in preadolescent boys than in adults; and some
two-year-olds come to climax in less than ten seconds. (waddah wimp, i can go at least 20!)
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