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Love Related Jokes and Relationship Humor Archive

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Super Silly Sex Laws only in the good old USA

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception - prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

In Mississippi, S/M is against the law, specifically, "The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification."

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In the state of Utah, sex with an animal-unless performed for profit-is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal. How do they end up having kids there? It's a mystery wrapped in an enigma..

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. Oh, can I be the public servant who takes those applications??

In Fairbanks, Alaska it's illegal for moose to have sex on the city sidewalks. One wonders how they enforce this? "Yo Bullwinkle! Stop humping poor liitle Rocky, huh?"

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (lest one forget Florida is in the deep south)

It's against the law to have sex with a truck driver in a toll booth in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Sex? In a toll booth? Wonder if it'd be cool if the toll booth sex was with a toll taker.If she was paid, would she be a hoe toll taker?

In Sioux Falls, South Dakota, hotels are required by law to furnish their rooms with twin beds only. A minimum of two feet between the beds is required, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds. I say do it in the shower, just to be safe AND clean.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin, no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm. Shooting off other things, however, is totally fine and understandable!

It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States. New meaning of the phrase" dat hoe was a dead fuck?"

In Washington State, there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).

In North Carolina, it is illegal to have sex with a drunken fish.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothes in front of a man's picture.

The first sperm banks opened in 1964-they were located in Tokyo and Iowa City.

Impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 American states.

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines. It is also the only city where every legal official is a woman.

If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle, they are required to honk their horn three times and wait two minutes before approaching. Hmmm, sounds like a song! "Honk three times on your cop horn if you wanna see..."

In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife. They must be part of that forty-two percent from the last fact, the poor saps.

Are you in a sexual slump? Is a roll in the hay really a roll in the hay? If so, here are a few not so original ideas to put some heat between the sheets. These are some of the oldest tricks in the book- but don't let that take away from their value- their longevity just means they've stood the test of time. If you haven't done any of these, be sure to give them a try as soon as you can find a willing partner.

Role-playing

Most of us are tired of being the same people all the time. Why not try being someone else for awhile? Of course the best part of being someone else is that you get to fuck like someone else. Choose new names and stick to calling each other by them for an entire night. Although it may seem weird at first it's amazing how many people really open up and try new things as they assume a new identity. To quote one of my girlfriends (although she will remain nameless), "it's like borrowing someone else's reputation for a night and seeing how much damage you can do to it." I think that sums it up quite nicely.

Blindfolds

Being blindfolded can really heighten a sensual experience. Any cloth will do, but the best are travel sleepers (night masks) that are found in any luggage store. They're molded to wrap around your nose and block out all light without putting pressure on your eyeballs.

Handcuffs and Ropes purchase securely online

There's nothing better than being completely at your partner's mercy and receiving nothing but pleasure. Fuzzy handcuffs or ropes from the local sex shop are best, but a scarf or the drawstring of a housecoat works just as well.

Vibrators and dildos huge selection of vibrators and dildo store

The classics. There are thousands types to choose from and they make a wonderful addition to a couple's sexual experience, for both the man and the woman. There are no limits on size for a dildo or vibrator intended for vaginal insertion, it's a myth that a woman will lose her tightness if she uses a dildo bigger than her man's penis. A size and shape that looks and feels comfortable is best. Make sure that if it's small enough to go all the way in that it's attached to a string so it can't get stuck. Any object intended for anal insertion does have some size restrictions and it must be flexible. The colon has a limited length and an anal probe that is too long or hard can do damage.

How Often do Husbands and Wives Cheat on a Spouse?

The results of sex polls are generally inconsistent, but the range of inconsistency on infidelity questionnaires is especially high.

The results of the various Kinsey polls over the last 50 years asking if a person has committed at least one act of extramarital sex have revealed numbers as low as 15% and as high as 65% - and are as inconsistent in the 1950's as they are in the 1990's.

Most Polls show a higher percentage of male infidelity, but some reveal an even percentage, suggesting women are just as likely to cheat. One thing is certain- there are a lot of liars and unfaithful spouses out there.

Is It As Long As A Baby's Arm?

The average erect penis is six inches in length, although flaccid measurements vary considerably.

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